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People go through rough times. Times when you think your life is worse than anyone else out there. It’s all relative. And just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, it does. The good times come but so do the bad.
For as long as I can remember, I was not a happy camper and I really didn’t know why. I was always an active and involved person. My parents had me involved in many activities. I was a normal kid doing kid things. Swimming. Gymnastics. Soccer. Dancing. My parents were loving, and they always told me that they were there if I needed to talk about anything. But I just couldn’t. I was never one to open up. And now I really wish that I had been. Not necessarily to them but to my friends who were there for me at the times I needed them the most. I just wasn’t able to.
I wasn’t able to talk to them about my poor body image. My eating disorder. They wouldn’t understand. Or so I thought. How could I explain my lack of trust in people. My fear of intimacy. Of getting too close to anyone. My extreme lack of emotion. I may have shed 3 tears in my life. How could I explain that when I didn’t even know myself. Until the memories of being sexually abused by a neighbor resurfaced just this past year. It seems that it was all related and with the help of some close friends I was able to talk about it. Wow. Talking sure does make a difference. My life was going great! Things were going my way for once. I was (more) comfortable with my body. I was trusting people. I was ready for intimacy. What could take me down?!
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Time has gone on, I have moved on...things are better, for now...and I know that they can be worse. I keep it all in perspective. No matter how good things are today, they could be bad tomorrow. You just have to learn how to cope with it all. I can now cry when I need to. I can talk about my feelings, good or bad. I can open up to those I trust and not fear being judged.
I have friends who love me. A great guy who I hope to spend the rest of my life with. He brings out the very best in me. And nothing can get in my way. Sure. I’ll have my ups and downs but I know that it can only get better. So I'll keep my head up when the storm clouds come and with the help of everyone who loves me, it will be just fine.
"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."